Bus, Stop

I saw her on the bus yesterday. Hadn't thought of her in a couple weeks,
other than the boots that still sit at our doorstep, waiting patiently for their owner to pick them up, or for the day I take all my unused clothing in garbage bags to donate to the thrift store or to the kids foundation boxes.

She was sitting near the front, and I didn't realize it til I was almost past. She wasn't looking at me, but she knew I was there. We always know.

I was busy giving myself a pep talk before my second night shift of my non student career. I was reviewing how to emergently deliver a baby, and there she was, looking more like the girl I knew a few years ago than the one I fought with last summer.

I owe her an apology, but some days I feel that hers should come first. I don't want to spend my life apologizing to people for saying what I feel needs saying. Other days I know it would make no difference. Apology or not, our bonds were severed.

There is no lingering feeling of guilt when I consider the lack of drama that has accompanied her absence. I do wish I hadn't foreseen that.

There she was, on the bus, close enough to hold and I walked right past head held high. Where was she going? Work? Coffee? Party? None of my business.

I smiled at the man sitting next to me, and gave him the time when he asked. I tried not to notice the gravity of her presence, or my heart picking up its already quickened rate. I tried not to notice when she got off of the bus.

Thirteen hours, and a world of heightened emotions, fast paced births and adrenaline later, I got back home where a hug, and those boots were waiting for me.

Two more weeks til my trip to the thrift store.
They're still good boots, someone should get use out of them.